When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
