I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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