I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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