i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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