How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
