Your face is a jimmy john
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
