I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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