Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
