My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Semen is not good for contacts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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