Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
