My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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