This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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