Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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