Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
