Kiss
Puke
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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