i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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