i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
