nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
