Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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