I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
