May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
