WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
