my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
