that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
