I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Where is the hickey?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
