what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
