I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
