I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize