I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
