Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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