one two three fourrrrnication!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
