what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
