Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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