Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize