You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
