walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
