he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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