she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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