I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize