bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
