If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
