Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
