yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
