my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
