My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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