Cold hands, warm shart.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
