So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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