so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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