There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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