I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
