i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
