Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
