I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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