no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
