I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
