You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
