i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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