I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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