i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
