What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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