I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
