dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
