can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
