Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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