the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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