You're my little dorito
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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