meet me or not, i'm out of control
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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