It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
