i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
