how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
